And now I feel like a longer time just fell in my lap. I move in January. I'm excited scared shitless.

Sigh. I'll be fine. I will.

Yeah... completely fine.

What can change in 7 months?

I cannot wait for school to begin. As much as I try to mask it with a keen sense of style and a seemingly infinite library of the cool new hipster terms... at the core, I'm a dork. It doesn't help that I've been absorbing the Harry Potter books in the last few days like its freaking crack. I'm going for the gold, 3 books in less than 3 weeks. Actually by "less than three weeks" I really mean 4 days. But whatever, who's counting?

I've already begun to pack my bookbag with all the nifty new school supplies I've purchased on this tax-free weekend (woot WOOT!) like I'm my own mother and I am also, simultaneously, myself at 4 years old. I bought all these cool bathroom things so that they're all neatly stowed away in my gymbag so I have more of an incentive to get off my ass and make it to the gym every morning at the crack of dawn so as not to be... you know... a whale.

Also, perhaps not so secretly, I've begun another battle with depression. Though this bout is not such much of a crippling ambush as before, I still feel the effects of the fight. The medicine makes me feel like my heart's about to explode and that blood is coursing through my veins at the speed of light but regardless, I'm trying my best to stick it out and give it a shot. Its better than feeling like shit I suppose.

Ah what I wouldn't give to just be free as a bird. Soaring through the clouds and enjoy the breeze whipping my face as I tear through a summer day in what we affectionatly term "Hotlanta". Just to watch people go about thier respective days obeying the laws of physics and remaining firmly planted on the groud while I cut through the panorama as I please.

Or maybe a fish... perhaps I'm just thirsty. Whatev.

So I picked up my room. I wish I could just make it immaculate though... freakishly clean. I don't have the kind of focus for that though. If at all possible I'd like the focus to do that and any leftover focus I would use to be able to run 5 miles in 30 minutes. I'd like the cajones to live on my own and to study abroad. I'd also greatly appreciate the courage to be more assertive and explain to people that when I say I can't do something, they would internalize it and understand that I meant exactly what I said not "maybe I can make an exception for you."

My ankle wound itches. I sliced it off and its now at the itchy healing part.

Everyone knows about the boy I like now. Could I be more of a 12 year old? I can't believe it... what am I going to do? Work relationships are messy and this couldn't get any messier.

I've never felt more grown up in my life. This messy life... its complicated but would I actually want to get rid of this? I pay my own bills, I go to work on time, I'm accountable for the stuff I choose to do. We'll see how I turn out.